Not another making fun of Fanfics Fanfic
by Obbsesive
Summary: A collection of twisted (but funny) DracoHermione stories... Tragedy, humor, romance... it's all herernYou may just find it funny... or not
1. Canadian problem solving

Disclaimer: If I owned Harry Potter and co. (Cough cough Draco) I wouldn't be making fun of them but doing other activities.... 

Hanging out

down the street

the same old thing

 we did last week

"Harry. I hate you die." Malfoy cursed with his very hot grey eyes glaring at Harry while he still managed to smirk at the same time.

"I will never die! I lived through Voldy, you will not defeat me in your spineless malevolent ways." Harry said as he ran a hair through his messy but attractive hair.

"What does Malevolent mean?" Asked a very stupid but amazingly hot redhead.

"Shut up. You know nothing." Said a beautiful, smart, talented, perfect in every way brunette.

"Boy who lived to be a pain in my ass. If I am stupid why am I sleeping with your girlfriend." Smirked the famous, rich, hot, Draco Malfoy as he checked himself out in the mirror. "Notice my dark, yet hot personality with my 'Bad-ass' attitude."

"Shut up you prat. I am not sleeping with you. I am making love to you. That is right I somehow fell deeply in love with my best friend's enemy." Hermione said as she did push-ups to improve her already perfect body.

Harry's amazing green eyes filled with tears. "But you said you loved me. Why. Why does it always happen to me. First my parents, then Cho, now this!" Harry sits down and cries as various hot Hogwarts girls come to comfort him.

"I am sorry Harry." Said Hermione as she read a book. "But I love you, but I am not in love with you."

 Draco smirked.

Harry cried.

Ron thought about making a sandwich.

"Have you ever seen the movie Ella Enchanted?" Harry said suddenly.

"What's a movie?" Said Draco in his hot ignorance. "Notice that despite being rich and a pure-blood, you could just take a .52 and blow out my brains."

"NO Draco! I will jump in front of the bullet for you!" Cried Hermione.

"Hermione NOOOOO!" Yelled Ron as a bullet came out of nowhere and shot Hermione.

Voldy jumped out from behind a large bookcase that everyone would have sworn wasn't there a minute ago.

"MMMMMWWWWHAHAHAHAHMMMWHWWWHAHAHAHHA... cough.. cough" Voldy laughed, his red eyes glowing. "Sorry smokers cough."

"Isn't smoking a muggle thing." Noted the ever observant Hermione who was some how alive again. "I thought you were against all things muggle."

 Voldy looked confused. "Don't question my politics!"

 "Politics are actually Muggle too." Said Seamus who came out from behind the book case also.

At this moment all of Hogwarts, including Snape, entered from behind the magic staircase. Many of them with Canadian beer.

Voldy looked confused before grabbing a Molsen Canadian and joining in.

THIS IS HOW WE SOLVE PROBLEMS IN CANADA......

A/N... I really wouldn't ask... and I doubt anyone would read this.... If anyone is interested next amusing chpt. will be posted soon.

ALYNA


	2. Tragic really

Not a thing to do

but talk to you

ooo ya

the second chapter....

Note: This chapter is completely unrelated to the last chapter...

Hermione walked into the beautiful common room. It was beautiful. She was beautiful. Oooo... they were meant for each other.

Draco walked in behind her. "I find Hermione to be suddenly beautiful. I am going to ask her to marry me."

A cell phone rings in the background. Ron walks out of the closet. He looks like Fez... with red hair. (For all you who do not know who Fez off That 70's show is... think foreigner). "Sorry I have to take this call." Fezron said as the Hockey Night in Canada ring tone stopped. (Just think annoying)

"Sell no buy!" Fezron yelled as he stumbled out of the amazingly beautiful portrait door.

"Oh Beth what can I do?" Draco muttered.

"What?" Hermione mumbled.

"Notice despite my Wizard origins I still know the words to Kiss."

"Kiss? What's Kiss?" Said the beautiful but ignorant head girl.

"Why do you think they call this the Head room?" Draco asked.

"Head? What ever do you mean?" Hermione said her eyes filled with curiosity.

"Notice my obvious mental illness that prevents me from saying unrandom things." Draco smirked. Because he always smirked. He has no other facial expressions besides smirking.

"I am Blaise. I am a guy for all of you confused idiots." Said a slightly gay Blaise.

"I resent that. I am not gay. I am metrosexual." Blaise stated.

"What is metrosexual?" Hermione asked as she read "A Guide to Brain Surgery."

"This is the point were I leave and you guys live happily ever after." Blaise said.

"Like in Lord of The Rings!" Hermione exclaimed as she finished her books.

"I come from the land of 6 foot snow. And beer......." Blaise sang as he walked out of the portrait.

"Do you have Michelin tires?" Hermione asked.

"On my Porshe." Draco smirked. "I can't possibly have my license but I somehow own lots of shiny cars."

"Oooo shiny." Hermione said.

"I love you." Draco smirked at Hermione. "Oh Romeo, Romeo where afford are cow Romeo."

"No that's wrong. Now let me teach you the right way."

"Do you realize that this author has no talent what so ever so has to write out her stupid thoughts." Said Harry as he climbed down from the corner like spiderman.

"Can you feel the love tonight." Hermione sang with her Beautiful voice.

"This story is now a tragedy." Nearly headless Nick says.

"Notice the tense also keeps changing." Says Draco.

"Draco I love you too. Let's live happily ever after. In a gingerbread house."

"Okay." Draco said as he swept Hermione into his arms and kissed her with passion.

"No! Hermione I love you. Marry me!" Harry said as he pulled out a sniper gun."

"Ahhhhhh.... Run Draco!" Hermione yelled.

Harry looked confused then looks down at the gun. "Oh this? This is for Voldy who is now standing behind you."

Harry takes the gun and shoots Voldy. "MMMMhahahahahaha...."

At this point everyone notices that Harry is insane.

Draco smirked and decided to be heroic. "Give me the gun Harry." He said in a baby voice.

"You stole Herms from me! Never! Die!" Harry shoots Draco.

"Noooooooo....." Hermione yelled and cried. She yelied.

"Now I just avenge his death!" Hermione pulls out a piece of silver.

"Noooo...." Harry yelled. "How did you find out I'm a werewolf?"

"You told me." Hermione stated as she stepped over Draco who was not actually dead yet.

"Oooo..." Harry said.

"Take this!" Hermione threw the silver at him.

"Owww...." Harry said as he started to cry. "That hurt."

Harry falls over and dies from food poisoning that had been fed to him by Ginny.

Hermione looks around. "Woe to me. All that I love is lost. All that I lost I loved. I loved all that I lost. Oh woe, woe to me."

Hermione pulls a dagger from her robes she kept because she was a secret FBI agent.

"Dagger thy thou hast thy thou woe thou."

Hermione drew her last breath and stabbed herself.

Draco finally becomes fully aware of his surroundings...... "Nooooo.....!!" He yelled.

"It's so tragic." Cried Voldy who was suddenly not dead. Now he's dead again.

Draco picks up the dagger. "I can not live without you Harry. I loved you. I was using Hermione to get close to you." With that Draco kills himself.

Enter Ron. "Sell.......Oh my... I am not cleaning this up." Ron walks out and hums Spongebob Squarepants.

A/N... Interesting isn't it.... well yes.... 


	3. holding out for a HERO

Laughter causes anarchy, anarchy causes wars - My old science teacher 

Part Four... well three... now 30 improved

"Draco and Hermione you will now be partners for potions. Everyone else go with various other characters. Except you Ron. You can die." Said Snape.

Ron picks up a poisonous Newt head. "Why, why me?" Ron takes the head and eats it. Then 4.3248 seconds later he falls down and chokes to death on it.

"Poisonous newt head's aren't even fatal." Commented Hermione who was not at all concerned with Ron's death. Instead she was staring in wonderment at Draco's amazing blonde hair.

"It's silver you freak!" Said Draco with conceit.

Right. Anyways.

Harry was working with... Pansy. The ugly pug-faced cow who loved Draco.

"Draco may we do it tonight?" Pansy asked as her pug-face smiled unseductivly.

"No we may not." Said Draco as he stirred the potion.

"It's that mudblood isn't it, I know your sleeping with her!"

Hermione looked shocked. She would never sleep with him. Except maybe once. Just to see what it was like. And he was hot.

Harry joined it. "Hermione how could you. After all we went through."

Snape turns around. "I am a death eater. But really I am a spy for..."

"Shut up." Said Harry as a single tear ran down him cheek."At first I was afraid, I was petrified. Wondering how I could live with out you by my side. Something..." Harry sang in a beautiful bird-like voice. "And now your back from outer space. Something about your ugly face... I should have..."

"How does Harry know the words to that song?" Hermione asked Draco as she continued to stare at Draco's hair well revising the Periodic table of Elements in her head.

"What song?" Asked Snape who had just recovered from being told to shut up.

"Little Shop of Horrors." Hermione rolled her eyes.

"Well I happen to know what entire musical." Snape said. "Little shop, little shop of horrors, bop she bop, little shop of terrors, call a cop, little shop of horrors, oo oo o ooo."

"Ahhhh....." The entire classroom ran out screaming.

Except Draco and Hermione.

"Hermione..." Draco smiled. For the first time. In a long time. So have a good time. The sun don't shine everyday.

"Where have all the good men gone?" Hermione asked her eyes shinning with knowledge.

"What? I'm right here?"

(Does anyone else wonder what's going on)

Okay... Draco and Hermione stayed back because they had detention for.... throwing pointy sticks.

"Draco what will your father do if he finds us?" Hermione asked.

"Finds us in... detention?" Draco asked as he raised one perfect eyebrow.

"Yaaa..." Said Hermione who was now wondering what she was talking about. "Why are we getting along?"

"Because I have decided to be mature and over come our differences." Said Draco in a monotone.

"Ooooo... I find the new mature you hot and I want to shag you."

"I want a beer." Commented Draco as he filed his perfectly manicured nails.

"Ooooo... beer.... lets shag and drink beer."

"Kinky." Draco said as he started to undress.

"Not really. One time at charm camp..." Hermione was cut off as Draco kissed her hungrily.

"OOO...."

"Awww...."

"Right there.... faster....oooo.... Draco..... oooo"

Draco suddenly looked up. "You called me Draco?"

Hermione looked astonished. "And I have in fact been this entire fanfic." (Now because everyone must die at the end of every of my fanfics....)

Dumbledore bursts into the room. "The world is freezing over. Canada won everything at the summer Olympics..."

"Oh no!!!!!!!" Hermione screamed. "Not Canada!"

"The muggles knew about it all along and are all safely hidden on mars."

"Oh no!!!!! GASP." Yelled Hermione.

"Hermione since we are about to die. Do you want to do it?" Draco asked.

"How can you think about that at a time like this! Ya sure why not?"

Draco and Hermione ran to a closet where they were frozen in the act of doing it. 8.324 years later they were found by muggle back from outerspace. (They found them there with that look upon their face)

Various character one. "Kinky."

Various character two. "Totally."

Bob. "Qui."

Voldy was frozen and never seen again. Harry was in the act of drowning himself. Snape was singing in the shower.

The end. Ahhhh what a happy ending. LONG LIVE HAPPY ENDINGS...

Little shop....

Boring author notes may not want to read... may be fatal So due to the fact that I didn't get a part in the musical... but someone quit so I did... i have musical all the time... so sorry about the serious problems with this chapt. Next one will be better... i promise

And I have nothing against Canadians... I AM CANADIAN... (and I dont like beer... i dont live in an igloo .. ive never seen an igloo in fact)

Where have all good men gone And where are all the gods? Where's the street-wise Hercules To fight the rising odds? Isn't there a white knight upon a fiery steed? Late at night I toss and turn and dream of what I need I Need A Hero......


	4. Pointless violent and plot

Chapter four... du dududud udududuududu 

WARNING BORING AUTHOR NOTES.  
I am now all finished with musical (Little Shop of Horrors) so I can write more...yay... not that I will write more...

This is a very....err... strange chappy... i would write a page and come back a month later and write one more so...

This story now takes place in Canada. Why? Because Canada is a cool place (literally).

"Snow! Six feet of it everywhere!" Ron yelled as he tried to pole volt a pile of snow.

"Actually in Canada we use the metric system. So it's180cm." Hermione commented while studing the effect of snow on ...umm.... the grass... ya grass.

"I don't care." Harry said as he made a snowman. It's cold.

Enter Draco. For no appearent reason except that we all love Draco. I don't care if you don't.

"I am here to drive you all insane." Commented Draco.

"Ahhh... Oooo...." Said the Trio in unison.

"Look it's the Statue of Liberty." Ron said and pointed off in the distance.

"Idiot that's in U.S.A. This is Canada. As in Canada. The country that gives away it's resorces and has a stupid government."

"Ohh... that Canada." Said Ron.

Hermione rolled her eyes and seemed to notice Draco. "Hello Draco. It is a nice day."

"Er... ok." Said Draco who was clearly puzzled by Hermione previous comment

Exit Draco for no evident reason except so that now the Trio can talk about him.

Silence.

So much silence.

"Are you gay?" Ron asked Harry.

"NO!"

"Bi?"

"NO!"

"Okay."

More silence.

Author runs out of ideas. Author can't remember how to spell author.

Silence.

Birds singing.

"Alas, why hath thou birds making merry music thy early morn." Said... Ron.

"I believe I can fly..."

Now because this is making no sence author moves to real plot.

"I hate Malfoy!" Hermion yelled.

"I agree." Added Ron.

"What he did today is unacceptable." Harry added some more.

"I agree." Added Ron.

"Let's get revenge!" Hermione yelled.

"I agree." Added... that's right Ron.

"Goody!" Added Harry... who is gay in this story now.

Harry secretly thinks Malfoy is hot, as does Hermione. Ron...well... he has the maturity of a 8 year old so.

"Show that blonde." Hermione said.

"Yes..." Says Ron.

"Yes... we'll show him!" Said..... Lavender. "That is right. I have been added to the plot so I can screw Draco and break Hermione's heart 2 pages down."

The story goes back to it's original setting in English land.

There is an exchange student for no appearent reasons. And they are not American, like all the others, sorry.

"Hello, I am Sue the Exchange student, eh."

"Eh?" Hermione questioned. That is infact not a word.

"Meh." Said Sue.

"Nor is that! May I inquire as to where you are from?" Asked Hermione.

"Sure can." Said Sue.

Harry says something and no one listens because we think Harry is over-rated.

"Well, where are you from?" Hermione asked inpatiently.

Sue looked at the amazing castle that stood behind them. She felt the wind on her face. And thought about her home land. "I am from Saskatchewan."

"Hahaha.... nice. That's the most best made up place I have heard of." Ron laughed.

Hermione's face turned red. "This story is not about you. So can we get past this point and go back to me! Where are you from!"

Sue raised an eyebrow. "Saskatchewan. I already told you that."

"Umm... it's not that funny anymore." Said Harry as Lavender tried to rape him for no appearent reason.

Sue rolled her eyes. "Saskatchewan is a real place. Took me until... well I still can't spell it. It's in Canada. And no I don't play hockey. Yes I drink beer. Yes I have seen a beaver. No I don't live in an igloo. I have never seen an igloo. Yes we have summer. I have never seen a polar bear. The snow does melt. And no we don't get snow days. Any other questions?"

"Ummm.... that pretty much covers it." Said Draco. Who was staring at the Saskatchewanite.

Hermione turned red. "That's a real place? I have never heard of it!" Sue laughed. "It's between a lot of other places you haven't heard of."

Now that you are all educated on Canada. Back to the plot. Not that there really is one.

O right. Revenge on Draco. "Draco." Hermione said as she turned to Draco. "I no longer feel the need to get revenge on you. Because..."

"Hermione please don't say it. You know we can't be together. It would be to dangerous for you."

And as all stupid romancy type things go...

"Draco I don't care if it's dangerous. You can't decide for me! And I want to be with you." Hermione said... loudly. In kind of a sucky voice.

(There's a city in Saskatchewan called Saskatoon... original eh)

"Hermione." Draco said. His eyes darkening. His skin glistening in the moonlight.

"I would like to say..." Said Harry. "That I am in fact gay! There I have said it! I am 'Out of the closet.' I am a homosexual!"

Lavender jumps on Draco and starts kissing him. Hermione sees. Obviously.

"Draco how could you! I trusted you! I have you my body!"

"No Hermione! She forced me to! Please Hermione!" Draco ran after Hermione.

Enter Patil. "I am a lesbian. With Lavender. Wait is Lavender my sister? Or is that some other chick. Well in this story we are unrelated."

Patil and Lavender start snogging.  
Harry becomes bi-sexual because the hot lesbo action turns him on. He joins in. It's like...like a threesom.

Ron, with the maturity of a 8 year-old, says "Eww..." And runs away.

Draco and catches up to Hermione and grabs her wrist.

"Will you marry me?" He asks.

"Of course!" Hermione cries.

And because author doesn't believe in happy endings.

There is a nucleur war. Everyone dies. Except for Canada and Madagascar. I am sorry for your losses. Alaska can live too. And Kiss (the band) and Australia. But not the snake. Now I am starting to feel evil. I am evil. So everyone can live. Except Hermione who dies from crashing her 67' Shelby into a tree.

Then Draco joins the threesom.

Because Sue has to do something. She grabs Draco and Marries him. Mmmm.. Draco.

For more funniness to due with nuclear wars go to then go 2 more funnies and "The end of the world" Best thing ever.

Sorry this chappy took so long.

Alyna

For actual good stories check my fav. stories.


	5. Pointless violence and plot

Chapter four... du dududud udududuududu 

WARNING BORING AUTHOR NOTES.  
I am now all finished with musical (Little Shop of Horrors) so I can write more...yay... not that I will write more...

This is a very....err... strange chappy... i would write a page and come back a month later and write one more so...

This story now takes place in Canada. Why? Because Canada is a cool place (literally).

"Snow! Six feet of it everywhere!" Ron yelled as he tried to pole volt a pile of snow.

"Actually in Canada we use the metric system. So it's180cm." Hermione commented while studing the effect of snow on ...umm.... the grass... ya grass.

"I don't care." Harry said as he made a snowman. It's cold.

Enter Draco. For no appearent reason except that we all love Draco. I don't care if you don't.

"I am here to drive you all insane." Commented Draco.

"Ahhh... Oooo...." Said the Trio in unison.

"Look it's the Statue of Liberty." Ron said and pointed off in the distance.

"Idiot that's in U.S.A. This is Canada. As in Canada. The country that gives away it's resorces and has a stupid government."

"Ohh... that Canada." Said Ron.

Hermione rolled her eyes and seemed to notice Draco. "Hello Draco. It is a nice day."

"Er... ok." Said Draco who was clearly puzzled by Hermione previous comment

Exit Draco for no evident reason except so that now the Trio can talk about him.

Silence.

So much silence.

"Are you gay?" Ron asked Harry.

"NO!"

"Bi?"

"NO!"

"Okay."

More silence.

Author runs out of ideas. Author can't remember how to spell author.

Silence.

Birds singing.

"Alas, why hath thou birds making merry music thy early morn." Said... Ron.

"I believe I can fly..."

Now because this is making no sence author moves to real plot.

"I hate Malfoy!" Hermion yelled.

"I agree." Added Ron.

"What he did today is unacceptable." Harry added some more.

"I agree." Added Ron.

"Let's get revenge!" Hermione yelled.

"I agree." Added... that's right Ron.

"Goody!" Added Harry... who is gay in this story now.

Harry secretly thinks Malfoy is hot, as does Hermione. Ron...well... he has the maturity of a 8 year old so.

"Show that blonde." Hermione said.

"Yes..." Says Ron.

"Yes... we'll show him!" Said..... Lavender. "That is right. I have been added to the plot so I can screw Draco and break Hermione's heart 2 pages down."

The story goes back to it's original setting in English land.

There is an exchange student for no appearent reasons. And they are not American, like all the others, sorry.

"Hello, I am Sue the Exchange student, eh."

"Eh?" Hermione questioned. That is infact not a word.

"Meh." Said Sue.

"Nor is that! May I inquire as to where you are from?" Asked Hermione.

"Sure can." Said Sue.

Harry says something and no one listens because we think Harry is over-rated.

"Well, where are you from?" Hermione asked inpatiently.

Sue looked at the amazing castle that stood behind them. She felt the wind on her face. And thought about her home land. "I am from Saskatchewan."

"Hahaha.... nice. That's the most best made up place I have heard of." Ron laughed.

Hermione's face turned red. "This story is not about you. So can we get past this point and go back to me! Where are you from!"

Sue raised an eyebrow. "Saskatchewan. I already told you that."

"Umm... it's not that funny anymore." Said Harry as Lavender tried to rape him for no appearent reason.

Sue rolled her eyes. "Saskatchewan is a real place. Took me until... well I still can't spell it. It's in Canada. And no I don't play hockey. Yes I drink beer. Yes I have seen a beaver. No I don't live in an igloo. I have never seen an igloo. Yes we have summer. I have never seen a polar bear. The snow does melt. And no we don't get snow days. Any other questions?"

"Ummm.... that pretty much covers it." Said Draco. Who was staring at the Saskatchewanite.

Hermione turned red. "That's a real place? I have never heard of it!" Sue laughed. "It's between a lot of other places you haven't heard of."

Now that you are all educated on Canada. Back to the plot. Not that there really is one.

O right. Revenge on Draco. "Draco." Hermione said as she turned to Draco. "I no longer feel the need to get revenge on you. Because..."

"Hermione please don't say it. You know we can't be together. It would be to dangerous for you."

And as all stupid romancy type things go...

"Draco I don't care if it's dangerous. You can't decide for me! And I want to be with you." Hermione said... loudly. In kind of a sucky voice.

(There's a city in Saskatchewan called Saskatoon... original eh)

"Hermione." Draco said. His eyes darkening. His skin glistening in the moonlight.

"I would like to say..." Said Harry. "That I am in fact gay! There I have said it! I am 'Out of the closet.' I am a homosexual!"

Lavender jumps on Draco and starts kissing him. Hermione sees. Obviously.

"Draco how could you! I trusted you! I have you my body!"

"No Hermione! She forced me to! Please Hermione!" Draco ran after Hermione.

Enter Patil. "I am a lesbian. With Lavender. Wait is Lavender my sister? Or is that some other chick. Well in this story we are unrelated."

Patil and Lavender start snogging.  
Harry becomes bi-sexual because the hot lesbo action turns him on. He joins in. It's like...like a threesom.

Ron, with the maturity of a 8 year-old, says "Eww..." And runs away.

Draco and catches up to Hermione and grabs her wrist.

"Will you marry me?" He asks.

"Of course!" Hermione cries.

And because author doesn't believe in happy endings.

There is a nucleur war. Everyone dies. Except for Canada and Madagascar. I am sorry for your losses. Alaska can live too. And Kiss (the band) and Australia. But not the snake. Now I am starting to feel evil. I am evil. So everyone can live. Except Hermione who dies from crashing her 67' Shelby into a tree.

Then Draco joins the threesom.

Because Sue has to do something. She grabs Draco and Marries him. Mmmm.. Draco.

For more funniness to due with nuclear wars go to then go 2 more funnies and "The end of the world" Best thing ever.

Sorry this chappy took so long.

Alyna

For actual good stories check my fav. stories.


	6. 67' Shelby Mustang

Chapter four... du dududud udududuududu 

WARNING BORING AUTHOR NOTES.  
I am now all finished with musical (Little Shop of Horrors) so I can write more...yay... not that I will write more...

This is a very....err... strange chappy... i would write a page and come back a month later and write one more so...

This story now takes place in Canada. Why? Because Canada is a cool place (literally).

"Snow! Six feet of it everywhere!" Ron yelled as he tried to pole volt a pile of snow.

"Actually in Canada we use the metric system. So it's180cm." Hermione commented while studing the effect of snow on ...umm.... the grass... ya grass.

"I don't care." Harry said as he made a snowman. It's cold.

Enter Draco. For no appearent reason except that we all love Draco. I don't care if you don't.

"I am here to drive you all insane." Commented Draco.

"Ahhh... Oooo...." Said the Trio in unison.

"Look it's the Statue of Liberty." Ron said and pointed off in the distance.

"Idiot that's in U.S.A. This is Canada. As in Canada. The country that gives away it's resorces and has a stupid government."

"Ohh... that Canada." Said Ron.

Hermione rolled her eyes and seemed to notice Draco. "Hello Draco. It is a nice day."

"Er... ok." Said Draco who was clearly puzzled by Hermione previous comment

Exit Draco for no evident reason except so that now the Trio can talk about him.

Silence.

So much silence.

"Are you gay?" Ron asked Harry.

"NO!"

"Bi?"

"NO!"

"Okay."

More silence.

Author runs out of ideas. Author can't remember how to spell author.

Silence.

Birds singing.

"Alas, why hath thou birds making merry music thy early morn." Said... Ron.

"I believe I can fly..."

Now because this is making no sence author moves to real plot.

"I hate Malfoy!" Hermion yelled.

"I agree." Added Ron.

"What he did today is unacceptable." Harry added some more.

"I agree." Added Ron.

"Let's get revenge!" Hermione yelled.

"I agree." Added... that's right Ron.

"Goody!" Added Harry... who is gay in this story now.

Harry secretly thinks Malfoy is hot, as does Hermione. Ron...well... he has the maturity of a 8 year old so.

"Show that blonde." Hermione said.

"Yes..." Says Ron.

"Yes... we'll show him!" Said..... Lavender. "That is right. I have been added to the plot so I can screw Draco and break Hermione's heart 2 pages down."

The story goes back to it's original setting in English land.

There is an exchange student for no appearent reasons. And they are not American, like all the others, sorry.

"Hello, I am Sue the Exchange student, eh."

"Eh?" Hermione questioned. That is infact not a word.

"Meh." Said Sue.

"Nor is that! May I inquire as to where you are from?" Asked Hermione.

"Sure can." Said Sue.

Harry says something and no one listens because we think Harry is over-rated.

"Well, where are you from?" Hermione asked inpatiently.

Sue looked at the amazing castle that stood behind them. She felt the wind on her face. And thought about her home land. "I am from Saskatchewan."

"Hahaha.... nice. That's the most best made up place I have heard of." Ron laughed.

Hermione's face turned red. "This story is not about you. So can we get past this point and go back to me! Where are you from!"

Sue raised an eyebrow. "Saskatchewan. I already told you that."

"Umm... it's not that funny anymore." Said Harry as Lavender tried to rape him for no appearent reason.

Sue rolled her eyes. "Saskatchewan is a real place. Took me until... well I still can't spell it. It's in Canada. And no I don't play hockey. Yes I drink beer. Yes I have seen a beaver. No I don't live in an igloo. I have never seen an igloo. Yes we have summer. I have never seen a polar bear. The snow does melt. And no we don't get snow days. Any other questions?"

"Ummm.... that pretty much covers it." Said Draco. Who was staring at the Saskatchewanite.

Hermione turned red. "That's a real place? I have never heard of it!" Sue laughed. "It's between a lot of other places you haven't heard of."

Now that you are all educated on Canada. Back to the plot. Not that there really is one.

O right. Revenge on Draco. "Draco." Hermione said as she turned to Draco. "I no longer feel the need to get revenge on you. Because..."

"Hermione please don't say it. You know we can't be together. It would be to dangerous for you."

And as all stupid romancy type things go...

"Draco I don't care if it's dangerous. You can't decide for me! And I want to be with you." Hermione said... loudly. In kind of a sucky voice.

(There's a city in Saskatchewan called Saskatoon... original eh)

"Hermione." Draco said. His eyes darkening. His skin glistening in the moonlight.

"I would like to say..." Said Harry. "That I am in fact gay! There I have said it! I am 'Out of the closet.' I am a homosexual!"

Lavender jumps on Draco and starts kissing him. Hermione sees. Obviously.

"Draco how could you! I trusted you! I have you my body!"

"No Hermione! She forced me to! Please Hermione!" Draco ran after Hermione.

Enter Patil. "I am a lesbian. With Lavender. Wait is Lavender my sister? Or is that some other chick. Well in this story we are unrelated."

Patil and Lavender start snogging.  
Harry becomes bi-sexual because the hot lesbo action turns him on. He joins in. It's like...like a threesom.

Ron, with the maturity of a 8 year-old, says "Eww..." And runs away.

Draco and catches up to Hermione and grabs her wrist.

"Will you marry me?" He asks.

"Of course!" Hermione cries.

And because author doesn't believe in happy endings.

There is a nucleur war. Everyone dies. Except for Canada and Madagascar. I am sorry for your losses. Alaska can live too. And Kiss (the band) and Australia. But not the snake. Now I am starting to feel evil. I am evil. So everyone can live. Except Hermione who dies from crashing her 67' Shelby into a tree.

Then Draco joins the threesom.

Because Sue has to do something. She grabs Draco and Marries him. Mmmm.. Draco.

For more funniness to due with nuclear wars go to then go 2 more funnies and "The end of the world" Best thing ever.

Sorry this chappy took so long.

Alyna

For actual good stories check my fav. stories.


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